Week 8!

So much to work through this week and so little space in my mind to process it all!

Okay, so Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl...vivid and brilliant. This is one of those readings that I feel like no matter how far down my path of life I happen to be, I will remember this story (even if just momentarily) and be able to be completely submerged within Linda's world. This can happen for only a few select reads and I think, I think this might be one of them, but, alas, only time will be able to tell [and believe me this book is competing with some greats...need I mention My Side of the Mountain, I Capture the Castle, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, etc.?) There I so much good juice in this book!

I think that the relationships in this read were what affected me the most. She bears her heart and soul to us, though I guess that's not a huge sacrifice considering nothing much worse can really happen to it. There were moments when I literally felt my stomach churning with anger for the anguish she lived through..."Why does the slave ever love? Why allow the tendrils of the heart to twine around objects which may at any moment be wretched away by the hand of violence"..."above all things I was desirous to spare my lover the insults that had cut so deeply into my own soul"...How can those words not make you just want to throb!

In class we got into some really deep material and discussed how our culture has a morally complicated relationship with choice and brought to light some of the questions that have embedded themselves within our culture relating to social respectability. Linda was not respectable in the eyes of the whites but had also made other slaves ashamed of her. Her grandmother told her that there was more virtue in death and/or rape than in what she was doing, citing "stand by your children and suffer with them till death." Wow are those some heavy words or what? We also discussed briefly that you must be selfish before you can sacrifice because you must have something to sacrifice before you can sacrifice it. Maybe what Linda was doing was selfish, but it was also selfless in the fact that she had the eventual aim of helping a cause much larger than herself. However, she had to work towards her freedoms before anything would be able to come of it.

To add insult to injury, I was browsing around and found this beauty...


How pathetic is it that these are the works which are more likely to be picked up in a bookstore and read by some poor, lonely, ignorant housewife rather than the real, heart-wrenching words of a woman whose life was spent actually struggling with all these toils. It makes me sick. [But now I can be assured that although I may one day I may very well become a housewife I surely won't be completely ignorant when it comes to my choice of reading materials.]




You know what also makes me sick? Cannibalism. No seriously.

That being said, In the Heart of the Sea, was an awesome read--gut-wrenching rather than heart-wrenching but good nonetheless. This was my first introduction (redundant?) to this story, as I have never read Moby Dick and that being said I apologize if I get hung up on some of the big-picture ideas, as I have never really worked through them before. First and foremost, I couldn't help but be continuously preoccupied with this notion of us, as humans, having such a huge preoccupation with conquering things so much larger than ourselves (which goes back to Conquest of New Spain, I know). Why climb the tallest mountain in the world and risk your life? Why go to war with another country and risk your life? Why set sail on a little boat and try to kill a monstrous whale? A beautiful, wild whale that has lived its life in serenity. What's with this little man syndrome? Why can't we just let things be the way they have been? There's no need to go around picking fights...I just don't understand. But when it really all comes down to it I suppose it's because we all feel this intense desire to prove. think about it, our lives completely center around proving anything and everything to other people. So I suppose if you start out big then all the little, everyday battles of life are a lot easier to win, in other words, if you kill a whale no one will really be interested in picking fights with you. And it's a lot easier to hook up with the ladies! Don't believe me? Well, "there was rumored to be a secret society of women on the island whose members pledged to marry only men who had killed a whale" (13). Which again brings me back to this human fascination with all things "big". No one wants to be with the simple man, we all want bigger and better...but why?

In class I loved the connection we made with Rowlandson with the word "affliction". I think at first the definition of affliction could be found amongst the men on the boat wrapped up with the intense weight that seemed to always be on their shoulders. The weight of having something to prove. For instance, take the character of Lawrence, he was afflicted with the fact that his every move was being watched and that with even the smallest of mistakes his entire reputation (or the one he was trying to gain) could to ruined forever..."he knew that the mate was analyzing every one of his movements. If he let chase down there would be hell to pay" (52). That is some serious pressure if you ask me. However, that kind of affliction has no comparison to affliction in its most extreme form that these men would have to deal with down the road.
"As they lost weight, they became lethargic in body and spirit. They became increasingly irritable. Concentration became difficult. They were appalled by their lack of physical strength and coordination, and many suffered blackouts when they stood up too quickly. Their limbs swelled. They lost their sexual desire and would indulge instead in a kind of "stomach masturbation," describing favorite meals to one another and pouring over cookbooks for hours at a time" (158). In severity, this was a whole new kind of affliction. Then, "they were about to eat one of their own shipmates...this was not a whale or a hog or a tortoise. This was Lawson Thomas, a shipmate with whom they had shared two hellish months in an open boat. Whoever butchered Thomas's body had to contend not only with the cramped quarters of the twenty-five-foot boat but also with the chaos of his own emotions...Dean began by removing the most obvious signs of the corpse's humanity" (165). Yikes! Does the word affliction even describe this anymore? I think we might need to create a new word to suite this situation. This is seriously heavy.

An intense week this was...a lot to pack in...hope I did it!

Week 7

Okay, so at this moment in time we, as a class, find ourselves wedged in the "in-between." Otterbein cancelled classes for the first time in my college career! I feel as though this was a somewhat anti-Thoreauvian move (if that's a word?). Thoreau would have preferred for Otterbein to not be swayed from its typical stance on snow issues not affecting classes. However, there is some irony when considering that our Thoreau reading/discussion was what ended up being displaced, of all the possibilities! That was a useless tidbit but I found it to be somewhat intriguing.
I am going to start off this week by making a bold statement. Some of you will judge me, some will stand adamantly by my side. I will take a Thoreauvian stance and state that I don't care either way because this is what I believe to be true and I will stand by it for all of eternity. Alanis Morissette is my modern-day Thoreau. There I said it.

Here is my proof ( a random smattering):

"There is no difference in what we're doing in here
that doesn't show up as bigger symptoms out there.
Why do we spent so much time in dressing our bandages
When we've the ultimate cause to the key right here
Underneath"
-From "Underneath"

"We're never going to survive
Unless we get a little crazy"
- From "Crazy"

"Change is never a waste of time
Sometimes life is so unkind"
-From "(Change is) never a waste of time"

"We watch movies of murder and censor the breast
Give thanks for the murders of Chris Columbus
We kill our own and we vote for the man
the lesser of evils and us starring in the role of victim"
- From "Awakening Americans"


Believe me when I tell you this is just the beginning of similar thought-trains that I could dig up to prove my point. However, I will find rest with these few excerpts keeping in mind that not all who will be reading this will have the degree of adoration for Alanis that I do.

Here's the thing with Alanis...she has a firm idea about everything but never knows what it is that she truly wants...and just when she thinks she has found it, she gets royally screwed (Ryan Reynolds ring a bell?) and finds herself starting over from scratch once again. Her turmoil is gut-wrenching, but it makes for some damn good music.

Alanis can never be appeased...she lives as a constant "counter friction to the machine" and through her music is constantly asking her listeners to ask the hard questions for themselves as well.

Thoreau was another one who I would stick in the category of having a firm opinion on everything but not necessarily knowing exactly what they want at any given moment. He would be sad to hear that I think but, for me at least, it appears to be the truth. This was my first reading of "Resistance to Civil Government" and I have limited memory of my reading of Walden, however, Thoreau has become very wishy-washy for me. This could be totally just how I perceive him on a personal level but I guess that's really all I have to go on at this point. In class it was mentioned that Emerson thought that it would have been good for Thoreau to have a woman in his life, who could "straighten and sweeten" him. It came as a surprise to me that he lived the life of a bachelor because for the longest time my one of my favorite Thoreau quotes has been "there is no remedy for love but to love more," and it loses all of its validity for me now to know that he never had a true love in his life other than himself and his ideas. Such a shame.

I will forever love both of these figures. I commend them for being completely unwilling to settle and for not being afraid to voice a strong opinion. In many cases it is a lot easier to submit to and accept the status quo. It takes balls to stand up for something especially when you give up all hope for a semi-normal life--I guess if I took either of their stances, however, I would be asking myself what was so great about that kind of life anyways.

It hard to keep my own mind of the straight and narrow when in the presence of all these thoughts. I think, overall, the important thing is to figure out where my own individual happiness comes from and make sure that I don't let all the other bullshit in this crazy world get in the way of it. I don't get happiness from paying my taxes but not paying them would get in the way of the things that do make me happy. Being outdoors and getting dirty makes me happy, I'm sorry if I smell. Being in the presence of my boyfriend makes me happy and I'll be damned if anyone tries to lecture me about how being a part of a relationship means I have sacrificed my own voice. I'm so sick of hearing it. Alanis and Thoreau wouldn't put up with it, they do what they want. I will try to channel this more whole-heartedly from now on.

[For a more literature-based reflection on Thoreau please refer to last week's response. Thank you.]

Week 6 Readings

Hope this picture makes everyone laugh as much as I did. I don't think Emerson or Thoreau would have really appreciated its humor...but hey, it's my interpretation right?

When we really boil it all down this week was all about individuality in the sense of the word being at constant odds with our human tendencies to constantly imitate. At least that's what I have walked away with. I personally got more out of the Emerson reading, which is atypical because I usually just drink in Thoreau like it's Arizona Iced Tea. Why do we imitate? It it easy? In theory being "yourself" would seem to be what is easiest--wouldn't it? Or is "being yourself" hard? Does thinking for yourself mean that you have to take time out of your day to create original thoughts? More time than it takes to watch TV and have someone else give them to you? Or should it just happen authentically? I think it is easy for us to have our own original, authentic opinions but it is hard for us to own them--to stand behind them. Emerson says, "A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within, more than the lustre of the firmament of bards and sages," what he is describing here is the very heart of the problem. We do have original thoughts but everything else in this world clouds our ability to recognize them. We get so caught up with trends and flashing lights and celebrity gossip that when we discover something really, truly great for ourselves it is sometimes difficult to recognize that it even happened.

The facilitation group did a great job of pointing out this idea in the movie clip from Hot Rod. It was far easier for the guys in the movie to name "partying" as their main hobby than it was to actually put themselves out there and cite what they really enjoy at the risk of being ill-perceived. Emerson states that there "are voices which we hear in solitude, but they grow faint and inaudible as we enter into the world." Why are we so wrapped up in how we are perceived? Emerson also tells us that, "he must take himself for better, for worse, as his portion"--why is it that our own being tends to be what we are most hesitant to be fully true to? Why do we associate so much shame so readily to ourselves? I think that these sorts of questions are impossible to answer and I could think myself in circles for hours on end trying to come up with an "original" answer. I suppose I could go to a psychologist or a therapist and pay them to come up with the answers for me, that would be the human way wouldn't it? They would feed me a bunch of bullshit for my check rather than actually thinking and giving me a straight answer too...again, so fitting.

In class we focused quite a bit of discussion on the idea of intuition. Which brings me to a classic (at least in my book)Watch this Jewel video, which I think actually ties all of our material in together quite well. [Who would have thought that Jewel would have pulled ideas from Emerson and Thoreau?!] Obviously, the video is done as a parody. She is talking about following your heart and trusting your intuition yet she is doing everything she can to "cash in" to what everyone else is doing. I think Jewel has created a video in reference to the Thoreau quote, " I seek rather, I may say, even an excuse for conforming to the laws of the land. I am but too ready to conform to them."

We have our intuition, our conscience, our Jiminy Cricket, that gut feeling. It should be easy to listen to and follow, right? But yet it must not be because so many of us don't so much of the time.

Emerson tells us that the ultimate source of truth is within ourselves though we are usually not in-touch enough with ourselves to recognize it. Although, I loved the essay I found it to be quite repetitive and somewhat redundant, as if Emerson was trying to hammer his idea into his readers' heads. This ends up being a somewhat humorous idea...think, think, think for yourself...but read my essay with my ideas about just how it is that you should go about thinking for yourself.
I really loved Thoreau's idea of perfecting society without actually reforming society itself. He thinks that if we were each to reform ourselves, to create more complete and righteous versions of our current selves, that society would then also correct itself. His idea reminded me of a willow tree--you can cut their branches off as much as you like, even chop them off at the trunk, but they are hardy and will always grow back. Trying to get rid of the tree without attacking its roots is completely pointless. Hence, the reason society is in such bad shape is because its people are a hot mess--untangle the mess and suddenly society functions a whole lot better. I think he is onto something here. Too bad it is completely impractical--hot mess doesn't even begin to describe our society or some of the people existing within it (just check out an episode of Hoarders!).

What will I walk away with?
Calm down. I have recently found, with the help of my spiritual center, my boyfriend, that if I just stop trying to make other people happy then I have time to breathe; and when I stop trying so hard to be the person I supposedly want to be, the real, genuine Kailey comes out. It's all so much simpler this way. My mind is so much clearer these days. I think this is what these men were trying to get at and it resonated with me well.

Quotes I loved but couldn't squeeze into my rant:
If a man is thought-free, fancy-free, imagination free, that which is not never for a long time appearing to be to him, unwise rulers or reformers cannot fatally interrupt him.
Let your life be a counter friction to stop the machine.
-Thoreau

Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string.
Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of our own mind.
Every decent and well-spoken individual affects and sways me more than is right.
Truth is handsomer than the affection of love. Your goodness must have some edge to it--else it is none.
A man must consider what a blindman's bluff is this game of conformity.
-Emerson

Yoda is Emerson! -Suzanne